"You Are Not Okay" Reflection

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yq2oPGX5lOA&t=142s 

Overall, I am really pleased with how our group movement piece turned out. We decided to title our piece, “You Are Not Okay.” This was an interesting experience for me because I was the centerpiece for the scene. I have acted in lead roles before but I have never been in a scene where all of the other people on stage are responding to my movements. I think that the decision to have me be the person in the middle of the circle made a really interesting dynamic for the scene. I’m wondering how the scene would look different had someone else been in the middle, but I am happy with my performance and I think it really worked for the scene, especially because I am shorter than almost everyone else that was walking around me (besides Millie) which I think made it look like they were towering over me. I think this effect worked really well paired with the decision to have the people circling be walking with their hands behind their backs and to have them all staring at me as they walked around. I also think that having the people circling start off walking kind of slow and then speeding up and moving into a tighter circle also really emphasized the feeling that I was overwhelmed in the middle of the circle. 

I think what really made this scene come together for me was the levels that we decided to include. While we were brainstorming and deciding what we wanted the scene to look like, we all wanted the people asking “are you okay,” to seem intimidating and accusatory, and have this build up as the scene went on. We decided to have half the people circling walk onto the platform and half climb onto the stairs. I think this contrast worked well because the audience's eyes were drawn to all parts of the stage and I think this also contributed to the feeling of being overwhelmed that I was portraying because I was looking at the people circling me and then had to divert to whoever was asking the question. 

Another level that we decided to include was lighting. I think the lighting in this piece is what really made it cohesive and what distinctly created the beginning, middle, and end (along with the music). I know when we were all discussing what could have been improved in the scene we talked a lot about the opening and how all you could see was my legs and hands, but after a lot of consideration I think this really worked. I think it was evident that I was a person that was feeling anxious or overwhelmed, as you could see by my rocking back and forth and the fidgeting of my hands, but I could have been anybody because you couldn’t see my face or really anything above my waist. I didn’t know this though when we were recording, so some of the movements that I was doing (looking around me and bringing my hands up to my face) were lost in the darkness. I still think that we were able to get the message across though with the spotlight just on my lower half because the white light seemed a bit harsh and with the darkness all around me it was obvious that I was feeling alone. I think the addition of the others voicing the accusations or thoughts in my head really helped with this as well. After this, I think the transition into the music about drowning and the blue light really worked together, and the blue light looked really good with the different colors that the people that were circling were wearing. For the ending, the red light worked really well with the final movement of throwing my arms back and having everyone walk away because the timing for the light switch worked out perfectly and the red light looked like ripples from where I had thrown my arms out. One thing that we talked about that could have been better if we had decided to refilm would be to have everyone but me out of the frame when the video ends so it is obvious that I am alone again. We also discussed having me start in the curled up egg position so it is the same as how I end. 

Once we had decided how we wanted the scene to look, we worked on finding music for the scene. I came up with the original idea for this piece that I shared when we were brainstorming, so my vision for the scene was obviously a little different than what it ended up being (which is expected) but I am really happy with how it turned out. I had a certain idea in mind for what I wanted the music to be, and I was going for less ‘pop’ and upbeat and a bit darker, but after filming and watching back I think the decision to mash two songs together and have the faster beat song in the middle really worked for the speed and movement of the people circling, and I’m not sure if the scene would have been any better if we had been able to find a song that was similar to what I had in mind. I think having the two songs be put together really helped to establish the different parts of the scene and went well with the emotions being portrayed. 

The process for this project was unlike anything I have done before. I think it really helped for us to start out with movement practice, though we did sort of move away from this in our final scene. I’m not sure if finding quotes really helped with our final scene because we did not really end up using any of the original ones we found, but they did lead us to the idea in brainstorming. I think starting out with an idea for words and then adding movements and music worked perfectly for this piece, but that wouldn’t necessarily be the same for other pieces with other music, movement, and words. I am really happy with how our final product turned out and I am grateful for this experience!